It all starts with...

...to quote from his book 'The Saxophone Survival Kit'... 'DESIRE'.

Eric Daniel (Sax/flute player, composer, lyricist, musician, part-time comic, amongst everything else), tonight hit the nail on the head for me, about why I am feeling the way I am at the moment - I want to expand my repertoire; write more material; I want to get that solo tucked away every time; I want to be out there performing; I want to develop my technique; I want to feel that same buzz all the time when I'm performing etc. I was beginning to think that I was becoming selfish or even obsessive about it, but the fact is, I simply have DESIRE.

Tonight I did my first private gig of the summer and it still amazes me how I get paid for performing, because it gives me the biggest buzz ever! Of course it's not quite on the scale of marrying my gorgeous hubby, or having my 2 gorgeous girls, hearing their 1st words, the first time they started to walk, the funny things they do, the special moments I spend with Ben & the girls etc. but I tell, you, at the moment it's right up there!

Today was a first for me on many fronts: they were singing along by song 3 (bearing in mind the 1st 2 songs are generally unknown, chosen specifically for long notes and range so I can warm up and tune my instrument!); I managed to play with the sun boucing off my music, a dog going beserk whilst it played 'catch' with its owner (only inches away from my very expensive saxophone...); trying to keep the cat away from me without looking like I'm kicking it cos I'm allergic to them; and the party danced the 'hokey cokey' to my version of 'Moondance! I guess that means they enjoyed it!

Sometimes desire can be mixed up with short term aspirations(eg. I hope this top f# comes out, or I hope I can hang onto this note for the full 12 beats without passing out...!), but at the moment, what I have is real and is what is driving me forward towards my goal -

For people to enjoy listening to me play.

Nothing else - I don't have any huge ambition to play thousands of gigs and make as much money as possible (although clearly being payed is a bonus - would I do it without renumeration? Actually, I probably would if I didn't have a young family, but the reality is that what I do needs a hell of a lot of commitment of time which is precious) - what I want is to do my best and know that people have enjoyed it - if they haven't, I simply need to try harder.

I think everybody needs 'desire' to want to do something in order to move forward: my hubby does his triathlons, mine is to perform and my 2 daughters desire is to dress up in as many princess outfits and where 'clip clop' shoes when ever the can!


This week, one of my students lost his son in a horrific plane crash. As a mum myself, it's too hard to think about as it is impossible to think that your child could go before you.

Find your desire, set your goals, no matter how small they may seem and go for it.