...to quote from his book 'The Saxophone Survival Kit'... 'DESIRE'.
Eric Daniel (Sax/flute player, composer, lyricist, musician, part-time comic, amongst everything else), tonight hit the nail on the head for me, about why I am feeling the way I am at the moment - I want to expand my repertoire; write more material; I want to get that solo tucked away every time; I want to be out there performing; I want to develop my technique; I want to feel that same buzz all the time when I'm performing etc. I was beginning to think that I was becoming selfish or even obsessive about it, but the fact is, I simply have DESIRE.
Tonight I did my first private gig of the summer and it still amazes me how I get paid for performing, because it gives me the biggest buzz ever! Of course it's not quite on the scale of marrying my gorgeous hubby, or having my 2 gorgeous girls, hearing their 1st words, the first time they started to walk, the funny things they do, the special moments I spend with Ben & the girls etc. but I tell, you, at the moment it's right up there!
Today was a first for me on many fronts: they were singing along by song 3 (bearing in mind the 1st 2 songs are generally unknown, chosen specifically for long notes and range so I can warm up and tune my instrument!); I managed to play with the sun boucing off my music, a dog going beserk whilst it played 'catch' with its owner (only inches away from my very expensive saxophone...); trying to keep the cat away from me without looking like I'm kicking it cos I'm allergic to them; and the party danced the 'hokey cokey' to my version of 'Moondance! I guess that means they enjoyed it!
Sometimes desire can be mixed up with short term aspirations(eg. I hope this top f# comes out, or I hope I can hang onto this note for the full 12 beats without passing out...!), but at the moment, what I have is real and is what is driving me forward towards my goal -
For people to enjoy listening to me play.
Nothing else - I don't have any huge ambition to play thousands of gigs and make as much money as possible (although clearly being payed is a bonus - would I do it without renumeration? Actually, I probably would if I didn't have a young family, but the reality is that what I do needs a hell of a lot of commitment of time which is precious) - what I want is to do my best and know that people have enjoyed it - if they haven't, I simply need to try harder.
I think everybody needs 'desire' to want to do something in order to move forward: my hubby does his triathlons, mine is to perform and my 2 daughters desire is to dress up in as many princess outfits and where 'clip clop' shoes when ever the can!
This week, one of my students lost his son in a horrific plane crash. As a mum myself, it's too hard to think about as it is impossible to think that your child could go before you.
Find your desire, set your goals, no matter how small they may seem and go for it.
Saturday 26 June 2010
Saturday 12 June 2010
Highs and Lows...
Well, that was a quick few weeks! Think I'm gonna find it hard to blog every week, but I shall try my best to keep it regular!
My Highs this last month:
Evie's 3rd birthday: Monday - sun; Tuesday - sun; Wed - sun; Thursday - sun; Friday - scorching sun; saturday - really scorching sun; Sunday, evie's birthday - torrential rain!!!!!!! What's the chances????!!!! Unfortunately, so it seems, very high! Oh, well, 4 bedroom tent to hand (put up by hubby in said rain), I still managed to keep Evie's birthday outside my house - if I'd known I would have tidied the house up just incase instead of play my sax all day on Saturday!
Sunday Jazz Club: only 3rd one and I was absolutely delighted by the number of people who had come to listen who DIDNT KNOW ME!!! I have been doing my own 'plugging' as you would do but this month, I quite frankly ran out of time to send out emails/texts - it is a huge boost to my confidence and also it is inspiring how people enjoy it - fabulous! I even had my clarinet OUT IN PUBLIC for the 1st time ever! For those who don't know me, put a clarinet on a work bench, and I absolutely love stripping it down and putting it back together, far moreso that flute or sax; ask me to put a sax or flute in my hand over a clarinet, the former 2 win every time! I think it's purely because I learned clarinet after flute and sax (and a B wasn't just a B anymore and there are far too many keys to be worked by my poor weak little fingers!) You can't love everything, can you?! And I am trying to love it through the music I play rather than the music I have studied in the past. Heck, I might play 2 tunes on the clarinet next Jazz club!
Audition for Jazz Summer School - with Masterclass from Alan Barnes, key figure on the British Jazz scene since the 70's and Joel purnell http://www.joelpurnell.com/ ,sax tutor. Audition was more like an exam, which in hindsight wasn't too bad (I'm just out of practice!) but sadly, my age is against me (WHAT!!! I know, I may feel young but course is funded so aimed at 16 - 24 yr olds - I'm way outside of that bracket! Maybe my playing will get me in! At least I tried my best, not my fault I'm not twenty something!
My Lows;
Audition for Jazz Summer School - incase many good 16 to 24 yr olds audition too!
Saturday night 5th June @ Caesars. My 1st disappointing public performance. Afte r the previous Saturday's gig and the Sunday before, I was buzzing. I'd had a great week preparing for Evie's birthday, was really disappointed with my practice sessions over the week(mainly non-existent)but managed to get a few hours in on the Saturday day time - clearly a mistake as could hardly play a note on the evening! Well, by my standards I couldn't! It was one of those evenings when once you'd made a mistake, you kept going down the same channel, thinking about last mistake, oh, made another! think about that one... oh, there's another... and so on. Fortunately for me, I had a very easily pleased - (and hopefully tone deaf!) audience who said nothing but praise, but I was burning inside with what was in my mind, way below standard. I don't mean that in a way that it was awful to listen to,but I can do so much better. It really has put me at a low and affected my playing, but at last....
MY MOJO IS BACK!!!
Basically, I scrapped playing for a week, broke down the solo's which were sub standard, then felt the urge I love - heard 'Me & Mrs Jones' on radio and that was it! Back to 'Sarah On Sax'! Re-vamped my version of Mrs Jones which I never quite liked and did an awesome version of 'What a Wonderful World' yesterday! Now I have so many ideas in my head I just have to find the time to realise them!
I think there's a couple of lessons in this blog somewhere, something like 'if you try your best, then you should feel content with that' and 'if something doesn't work, don't give up, you could just be having an off day!'
I think y biggest lesson I have learned in the last 3 months is that I am now playing for fun and it feels great, Highly recommend it!
My Highs this last month:
Evie's 3rd birthday: Monday - sun; Tuesday - sun; Wed - sun; Thursday - sun; Friday - scorching sun; saturday - really scorching sun; Sunday, evie's birthday - torrential rain!!!!!!! What's the chances????!!!! Unfortunately, so it seems, very high! Oh, well, 4 bedroom tent to hand (put up by hubby in said rain), I still managed to keep Evie's birthday outside my house - if I'd known I would have tidied the house up just incase instead of play my sax all day on Saturday!
Sunday Jazz Club: only 3rd one and I was absolutely delighted by the number of people who had come to listen who DIDNT KNOW ME!!! I have been doing my own 'plugging' as you would do but this month, I quite frankly ran out of time to send out emails/texts - it is a huge boost to my confidence and also it is inspiring how people enjoy it - fabulous! I even had my clarinet OUT IN PUBLIC for the 1st time ever! For those who don't know me, put a clarinet on a work bench, and I absolutely love stripping it down and putting it back together, far moreso that flute or sax; ask me to put a sax or flute in my hand over a clarinet, the former 2 win every time! I think it's purely because I learned clarinet after flute and sax (and a B wasn't just a B anymore and there are far too many keys to be worked by my poor weak little fingers!) You can't love everything, can you?! And I am trying to love it through the music I play rather than the music I have studied in the past. Heck, I might play 2 tunes on the clarinet next Jazz club!
Audition for Jazz Summer School - with Masterclass from Alan Barnes, key figure on the British Jazz scene since the 70's and Joel purnell http://www.joelpurnell.com/ ,sax tutor. Audition was more like an exam, which in hindsight wasn't too bad (I'm just out of practice!) but sadly, my age is against me (WHAT!!! I know, I may feel young but course is funded so aimed at 16 - 24 yr olds - I'm way outside of that bracket! Maybe my playing will get me in! At least I tried my best, not my fault I'm not twenty something!
My Lows;
Audition for Jazz Summer School - incase many good 16 to 24 yr olds audition too!
Saturday night 5th June @ Caesars. My 1st disappointing public performance. Afte r the previous Saturday's gig and the Sunday before, I was buzzing. I'd had a great week preparing for Evie's birthday, was really disappointed with my practice sessions over the week(mainly non-existent)but managed to get a few hours in on the Saturday day time - clearly a mistake as could hardly play a note on the evening! Well, by my standards I couldn't! It was one of those evenings when once you'd made a mistake, you kept going down the same channel, thinking about last mistake, oh, made another! think about that one... oh, there's another... and so on. Fortunately for me, I had a very easily pleased - (and hopefully tone deaf!) audience who said nothing but praise, but I was burning inside with what was in my mind, way below standard. I don't mean that in a way that it was awful to listen to,but I can do so much better. It really has put me at a low and affected my playing, but at last....
MY MOJO IS BACK!!!
Basically, I scrapped playing for a week, broke down the solo's which were sub standard, then felt the urge I love - heard 'Me & Mrs Jones' on radio and that was it! Back to 'Sarah On Sax'! Re-vamped my version of Mrs Jones which I never quite liked and did an awesome version of 'What a Wonderful World' yesterday! Now I have so many ideas in my head I just have to find the time to realise them!
I think there's a couple of lessons in this blog somewhere, something like 'if you try your best, then you should feel content with that' and 'if something doesn't work, don't give up, you could just be having an off day!'
I think y biggest lesson I have learned in the last 3 months is that I am now playing for fun and it feels great, Highly recommend it!
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